3 am

Ever find yourself restless in the middle of the night? *John raises hand* I usually resist/dread these early morning sessions but I’m slowly learning to embrace them. It’s the only time my hyper brain actually pays attention.

These sessions always start the same. I’m snuggled up minding my own business when BAM I’m shaken awake like the house is on fire. The rapid heart beat, laboured breath and swirling thoughts that follow SUCK. I used to blame late night alcohol and cheese but I’m starting to think there’s more to it then that. Like something or someone is trying to get ahold of me. It makes sense actually. I’m not the easiest guy to reach. If I was trying to get in touch with me, I’d likely choose 3 AM too.

I’ve come to learn that it is actually me trying to get in touch. Not the John Close I think I am but the Me that is who I am. In his defence, Me/ my true self tries to get through me during the day but because I have selected Do Not Disturb so the messages don’t get through. With nothing to distract me in the middle of the night, True Self knows I’ll be all ears. He’s right, but I’m also out of it and so his messages are often lost on me until I can manage to calm my mind, lean in and listen. In the end, I’m always glad we talked but that said, undisturbed sleep is important to me so I’m going to start making time during the day to connect in hopes that I sleep through the night. I’ll let you know how it goes.



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