Good morning! It’s been 6 weeks since I began Waking Hour and I wanted to provide you with a personal update. If you don’t know what Waking Hour is, please read this first.
What is humanity’s greatest internal conflict? Also, good morning! I suppose I shouldn’t jump into the deep end without first dispensing with some pleasantries. Are you a big TV watcher? If we were to pick our favourite show of all time, it would have to be Mad Men. We’ve watched all 7 seasons/ 92 episodes at least 5 times.
This excellent question was actually posed to Don in Season 4, Episode 2 of Mad Men. (don’t worry, I had to look it up, I’m not that obsessed) When Don asks what humanity’s greatest conflict is, he is met with this golden answer by the wise Dr Miller.
It all comes down to what I want versus what’s expected of me.
Upon hearing this, Don’s response is humanity’s response.”That’s true.” As social creatures, we are endlessly concerned with what people think of our choices. It is the question of every social media post. Do people like this/me? As an inherent people pleaser, I am forever walking the tight rope of this internal conflict.
When it comes to setting our life goals, we can’t base our goals on someone else’s voice echoing in our head. That voice could be our parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends, colleagues, team-mates, fellow employees or even the person with the most likes on social media. Instead of pleasing the other voice, we must learn to develop and discern our own voice (what do I want) and then courageously take a leap to the place we want to be.
How can we discern our own voice? One way is through a daily practice of putting all other voices on mute. This means shutting off our phone, closing our computer, removing our headphones, finding a quiet place where we won’t be disturbed and then beginning to pay attention to the voices inside our head. This practice is called Meditation. And it should be part of your Waking Hour.
Meditation is not about willfully silencing the voices in our head but hearing them loud and clear so we begin to determine which voices are helping us get what we want. In other words, which voice is ours and which voice is not. If the dominant voice in our head is not ours, why have we allowed it to stay rent free? Is it because we would rather please others then ourselves? Is it because we have never taken the time to listen to our own voice?
How can we make the other voices go away? Again, meditation. Meditation allows us to pay attention to each voice and hear it for what it is. Upon listening, we hear which voice is impure (not ours) and then, with courage, we calmly release it. The reason the voice is there is because we haven’t vetted it properly causing a white noise blocking out our own voice. This daily practice of listening and calmly releasing other voices will gradually allow us to develop and hear our own voice and that’s when we’ll find we’re more focused with creating goals that we want. Not to mention, we’ll feel a whole lot more fulfilled.
A SMART goal is a goal we have set for ourselves to help us get to where we want to be. It can be informed by others but should never be for others. Like a great TV show, a goal is created by us and for us and then ultimately distributed to a waiting world.
Hey John. Hey! What do you want to do with your life? Um… Eat Doritos for sure. Beyond that.. am I a millionaire in this fantasy or… I guess ultimately I want to make a difference and inspire people. Nice! How will you do that? What do you mean? I’ll Just Do It. That’s a Nike slogan John. And a damn good one. So.. that’s all you got?
I wish the above was some
funny fiction but I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve used the, “make a difference and inspire people,” line to articulate my life goals with little follow through. It turns out, it’s pretty easy to do this kind of thing when asked.
How about you? What do you want to do with your life?
These are all great things!! Inspiring things!! Just a few follow up questions. Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? Once you’ve answered all of these, you’re probably ready to begin making some SMARTER goals based on those answers.
Just to be nice, I’m going to take you through this process. Don’t mention it. Let’s say you want to.. Start a Business. Here are some basic questions you should be asking before spending a dime. Your answers will naturally lead to even more questions.
Who? Are you starting this business? You and someone else? Are you married in this scenario? Who are your clients? (People with money is not an answer.) Who is funding this startup? You? Your Parents? Bank? Investors?
What? What do you need to start this business? Equipment? Office space? Money? What do you need to launch? What is your product? What are you selling?
When? When will you launch? 6 months from now? 1 year from now? Next week? When will you be ready to launch?
Where? Where will you find the time and money for this? Where will you run this business? Home? Office? Neighbourhood coffee shop? Where’s the geographical area your business serves?
Why? Why do you want to start this business? Personal fulfillment? Increased wealth? Promote your values? Provide a need? All the above?
How? How will you know you have been successful? Revenues? Profit? Number of clients? Increased growth? Media coverage? Awards? Online engagement and reviews? Personal fulfillment? How will you get the message out about your product? Newspaper ads? Online advertising? Radio? TV? Word of Mouth? Osmosis?
Once you’ve taken the time to go through this lengthy process (there are no short cuts to reaching your goals) you’ll likely discover some important things about yourself.
So… now kinda know what you want to do with your life and you’re confident it is doable. Awesome! It’s time you began making some SMART goals to turn your dreams into reality and start living the life you want! While making your smart goals, you’ll likely discover you need more info, more help and more expertise. It’s all part of the process. But at least now you have clarity.
Hey John, you should go Vegan. Yeah? Yeah man, I’ve never felt better. What’s Vegan again? Well you can’t eat eggs, screeching tires. So…I never went Vegan and never will as long as eggs are off the table, but that doesn’t mean I’m immune to the pull of the latest internet health claim/trend. By the way, this post is a continuation of our series on STUPID goals, in case you found this kinda random.
Note: I’m not saying Veganism is a trend but the noise around it can be. Also, I think it’s important to point out that I make a real effort to only eat cruelty free eggs and buy local meat or at least make sure it’s “free from.” The cruelty shown to caged animals in factory farms is morally repugnant and we should do our best to avoid supporting this industry. This means most fast food/ processed frozen meat is off the table which definitely makes things more challenging in our fast paced world.
Wine increases longevity.
“Hey hon, you gotta read this AMAZING new study on how healthy wine is. Hey, we should have wine tonight actually!” Bait. Click.
- Wine increases longevity more than exercise
- You can eat as much bacon as you want as long as you don’t put the bacon on bread.
- A brisk walk in the evening is all the exercise you need.
- Lather everything in butter NOT margarine.
- Beer prevents the stomach flu. It’s also a great recovery drink after a workout.
- Greens, Fruit, Lemon, Cayenne and Water! That’s all your body needs.
There are yummy bits of clickable truth to all of the above health claims. Enough truth to inspire us to create flawed health goals. Whenever I’ve made unhealthy health decisions- these 3 things were usually driving it:
I want to continue to eat what I’m already eating.
I want to continue to avoid strenuous exercise but still lose weight and feel better.
I really want to eat bacon and stress is worse for me than bacon so I should joyfully eat bacon.
Speaking of rationales….Check out this amazing diet. If only Science could prove the health benefits, I’d be so in 🙂
We can’t create goals based on the lastest headline or online trend, especially if we don’t take time to read the article/study the headline is attached to. Modern science moves quickly and today’s truth is tomorrow’s, “actually eggs are great for you and it’s sugar, not fat, that leads to pre-mature death.” We certainly can’t create goals based on our delicious cravings or clever rationales.
I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t be eating but I will say this, I believe we all know what’s best for us. Even more importantly, we can know what’s best for us. We can make SMART healthy choices by investigating claims, practicing moderation, achieving balance and most importantly monitoring how certain foods/drinks and exercise makes us feel.
For example, I stay away from white flour and processed sugars because when I eat them I feel like I have the flu. This makes them unhealthy for me and not worth consuming. Science has proved these things are unhealthy for other reasons as well, but the reason I really care about is how they make me feel after consuming them. This is not to say that if a certain food or drink makes you feel good it is good for you, you still have to combine your feelings with Science and common sense.
So eat, drink, and be merry! If you don’t feel merry, it’s probably time to make some smarter goals. And exercise.
I got some push back yesterday. People were all up in my grill saying things like, “no goal is stupid if it’s yours,” and “stupid is a mean word, how about some positivity Mr Leaper.” I understand. Still….some goals are definitely stupid. No sense in being dishonest about it. Besides, I should know, I’ve had dozens of them.
Over the next week or so we are going to look at 6 ways goals can be better through the lens of my own stupidity. Most importantly, we are going to learn how we can avoid unrealized goals in the future. As this post is part of a blog series on Stupid Goals, you really need to read these posts in order to get the full effect. You can read part 1 here.
The first way a goal can be stupid is if is Superficial. Superficial literally means, “presenting only an appearance without substance or significance.” In other words, a superficial goal isn’t worth our time because as a goal it doesn’t exist. If the purpose of a goal is to help us get what we want, we’re going to need something real and significantly more substantial.
20 years ago, my goal was to move to Dallas and speak my message to thousands, “because then we’ll be able to afford seasons tickets to the Cowboy’s games, Angie.” Spoiler alert: We didn’t move to Dallas. If you can’t imagine why it’s pretty simple. I had no plan, no message, no thousands, wasn’t American and if that isn’t enough, Angie hated football almost as much as my plan. In my limited defence, there was nothing morally or ethically wrong with having this as a goal, it was just lacking substance, wasn’t significant and even if it was, I had not taken the time to develop an achievement plan.
Big goal + No plan= Superficial goal.
Looking back, I feel embarrassed that my brain even entertained this “goal” let alone convinced me to sit Angie down in a coffee shop and with wide eyes tell her, “my dream.” It turns out, it’s surprisingly easy to come up with superficial goals that we pawn off as actual real life goals . Listen for these key words.
“One day I will…_________________________”
“I’ve always wanted to…. _________________________”
“At some point I will definitely… __________________________”
What makes a goal superficial is not the goal itself. It’s the lack of substance, significance and plan.
We are living in an exciting time and have the freedom to make any life goals we want! So let’s make SMART goals. If you have a graveyard of dead goals it’s likely for 2 reasons.
This was definitely the case with me 20 years ago and has been many times since. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be. Next time we’ll discuss another way to know your goal isn’t SMART.
As driven as I am to achieve, I’ve actually never sat down and written out my life goals. I blame my hyper brain, busy schedule, inability to find a pen? But I’ve had… goals.. Becoming a millionaire before 40, published before 41, TED talk before 42… Whoops. I’ve definitely had stupid, unrealized goals. I’m sure you’ve had them too. What is a stupid goal? Here’s some.
Eat healthy. Fall in love. Lose weight. Get in shape. Be nicer. Get rich. Be successful. Inspire people. Be legit. Travel the world. Change my life. Be happier. Get more likes on social media.
Stupid goals are easy to state, easy to impress (especially at business mixers and on social media), BUT difficult to apply and almost impossible to achieve. It’s why we agree with them yet immediately forget to follow them. Even our brain thinks we’re dumb. At first glance these goals seem decent. Noble. And I guess they are in a way. But if the purpose of a goal is to help us get what we want, these never will. They are so general and bloated they are the low hanging rotten fruit of under achievement.
How do we know if our goals are stupid? First, we don’t have any goals. Second, when stated, our goals literally spell stupid. To help us remember, I’ve come up with a stupid acronym so we can steer clear of our lame goals. When setting a future goal, all we will have to do is pause and ask ourselves, is this goal… STUPID…. If so, we can drop it and instead make a SMART goal.
Over the next several blog posts, I’m going to give you all 6 of my STUPID goals. You would be smart to come back and even tell your
stupid friends to tune in. In all seriousness, these will be MY stupid goals so don’t worried about feeling all judged. As always, we’re in this together and we all want the same thing. To get where we want to be.
Ready to go? Great! See you tomorrow 🙂
What if death forced us to get our shit together? This is the premise of Netflix’s dark new comedy Russian Doll. As a fan of good TV, I was a bit apprehensive with this latest offering. The idea of a main character dying in the first episode and then dying again and again and again..and again.. all in the same episode, seemed tedious – and not just for the main character. But we stuck with it. Good call Angie.
What I grew to love about this show (besides the top notch acting and original script) was the idea of seeing death as a wise friend holding you to account rather than a boogeyman punishing you for being human. We resist death because it doesn’t announce itself and when it strikes it’s quite fatal – yet the prospect of death usually causes us to pay attention. Focus. Come to terms.
Upon diagnosis, many people start to live like there’s no tomorrow. Leap like there’s no ravine. We finally take that trip. Have that conversation. Check off that bucket list. In short, we start to live again. Russian Doll reminds us that life before death is the only life we got so we better get living. Like all great art it asks the same question death asks, when you look within, what do you see?
See this show! It’ll nudge perhaps even push you out of your comfort zone. The place where life begins.